I am listening to a mix by Autechre and thinking, what is this in front of me. Who am I really and does all this matter at all in the end we all disappear and either leave something or don’t. I can’t care less about that right now. My small brain can try and put it all to words, what I feel like now. May be I just had a bit more red wine that I should have had. Or maybe I am living a lie. I can’t ignore it then at moments like this it feels so close to going or even being on my journey back home. Home to where I feel the warmth of the inside and where everything is colorful and friendly. Home where inanimate objects are telling you their stories and you live a life of eternal bliss and joy. Music is everywhere in there it comes from within the walls of the electronic colored room walls. It is mixing in a beautiful and natural way with no external disturbances and it is always playing for me and me alone. Unless I wish for something else, it doesn’t happen. The sounds are frequencies and the frequencies are vibration, we are vibration aren’t we, I mean if sound can happen in a way where it changes our brain wave pattern then that means we are constantly being controlled by external interests and loud unpleasant noises of the everyday life. That is why I like to wear headphones when I am in this reality, if I did not I would have set free my true potential of murderous intent and I would have been writing this from jail, As that is how this messed up Planet treats those who try and run free and are dragging as many people they can doing it. Obviously this is all so wrong and no angelic or God like force will bother fix our mistakes for us, and I am ok with that. But at least one solid proof that those God like forces exist would be nice. You know like to remind the millions of people who actually do not believe that this is just a dream and a collection of memories. We have set ourselves free and then we have been given free will to change the bad memories or not. We have all said YES’’ take me back there I can be better. And so we are here and, well… Reality shapes us in to a negative ball of puke again, so we forget why we were here in the first place. The irony … Fuck it„ that is all we can say„ and then hope that the God like force will give us a better life tomorrow. Well it never ever worked so far so why are we repeating a pattern of failure. Why aren’t we seeing the naked truth that to me it seems like, look at what you tried so far and see what worked , what failed„ and why . Just delete the failure workflow to life and copy the success workflow with a slightly changed source code. Is it so damn hard to be positive in a world where the negative seems to be so much more? Yes it is so damn hard, but that what makes it all worth fighting for. And it should not be a fight, who is our enemies really; I think it’s our selves and those who oppose us. Just smile so the Sun inside you shines through this mask of dry mud that is all over your body. Light the flame and love yourself goddamn it…Love yourself if you want others to love you, this worked back then, so it will work forever and ever for everyone. LOVE YOURSELF ANDON.